I usually avoid t.v, but on the rare occasions that I do watch it, I never fail to catch precious gems like this one:
A participant on Star Vivah is asked what kind of wife is he looking for. His answer:
Karyeshu mantri,
Karuneshu dasi,
Roopeshu Lakshmi,
Kshameshu dharitri,
Sneheshu matha,
Shayaneshu Rambha,
Shatkarma nari,
Kuladharma pathni.
Translation: (forgive/correct me if I am wrong)
Someone who can advise you like a minister (counselor),
Who can work like a slave (house-work like a maid),
Who looks like a Goddess,
Who can forgive like Mother Earth,
Who can love like a mother,
Who can make love (or seduce?) like Rambha,
Who has done nice karmas
can be the Dharma-patni (ideal wife?)
Wow!! Thats definitely an impressive list! Do all men look for such qualities in their wives? And what if there is a small ‘defect’? Are such girls rejected/thrown out once their ‘incapability’ is discovered? And most importantly, is it relevant in present times?
Does it mean:
Only a woman is supposed to do work at home (even if she goes to office)?
To be married, you have to look good – not so ‘beautiful’ girls are not entitled to get married?
A woman is supposed to forgive her man despite the nature of his crime? If he takes another woman, she should just overlook it and forgive him?
Only a man is supposed to be pampered in this relationship called marriage?
A woman, after working for the whole day, under stress due to (reasonable and unreasonable) demands made on her, is supposed to be all seductive and ready to meet her man in the bed?
A woman is not entitled to make mistakes. She should not ever fall in the trap of being a normal human being?
My head is reeling, and I am furious. Is this really what men want? And what about women? Do they have a similar list too? I did google it but didn’t find any such equivalent shloka for an ideal husband.
As far as I know, this shloka in olden days was recited to tell the man that he has to look upto his wife and respect her as he takes all these vivid forms with utmost ease and performs all her duties whole-heartedly. So, its actually in appreciation of a woman.
And the way its being used now looks quite the opposite.
On the same note, I can’t understand something even wrt the horoscopes .. there are some stars, a girl belonging to which if married into a family may cause prob for the FIL, for the elder brother’s family etc … Y doesn’t any such thing apply to a man? All this has just been devised by the male chauvinistic society
Well.. I guess they take it the way it suits ‘them’, and also gives them a chance to put the entire blame of a failing marriage on the woman – citing lack of a particular point (given on the list) as one of the reasons..
So irritating, isn’t it! The gall of the man to expect all this! What really irritates me is that the onus of doing everything, is almost always on the woman!
And with these kind of people proclaiming it on national TV – I think it will just give ammunition to many households to blame their bahu’s for not doing enough
As you say, the woman is never human – she expected to be a super woman but behave like a slave – nice! How very convenient for a male oriented society!
Yes Smitha – That is what most men (and women) believe in. How many times have we heard this ‘Men are like this only, its women who have to compromise and adjust’. They forget that no two people can be happy with each other if they continue being rigid and against changing themselves to suit the relationship.
LOL.. the only thing I can say is that – it’s going to be a long time before that man can get married. Either that or he’s for a rude shock when he finally does.
All ancient scriptures have the same B.S ideals about women, all written my men with wishful thinking no doubt.
Somehow I feel that our ancient scriptures and even most of the portions of our mythology was impartial towards men/women. They have been misinterpreted/quoted/translated to suit the purpose of a certain section of society.
1. You ruined the poetry by your ignorant interpretation.
2. A man is entitled to wish. What is wrong with that?
3. Don’t curse men for something which is by design. Men are born perfect. There is nothing called as ideal husband. Ideal is redundant here. Men are ideal by design.
4. You seem to have a following of sucked up women who love male-bashing and then run for excuses every time they are asked to do stuff that men have been doing (silently) for ages. Grow up! Accept your slavery!
5. I wish all women aspire to become like Rakhi Sawant.
Mountain Man, go back to which ever Mountain you came from.
1. Ignorant? Really? It is my understanding of this ‘poetry’ as you call it. It might seem ‘ignorant’ to some – but who cares!
2. Nothing at all…. I have wished for Audi all my life and would continue doing so forever. nothing wrong in it.
3. Oh yes, I agree with you COMPLETELY. The supreme of all beings – men – can do nothing wrong, deserve only the perfect partner.
4. Yes, we all are sucked up women. We all are also beasts of burden carrying the load of expectations as specified by society and justified by such ‘ancient’ poetry. And slaves we are. Let all the ’save girl child’, ‘educate women’, ‘bell bajao’ campaigns go to hell. We are better off being ruled and dominated by men.
5. I carry her picture in my bag, hoping to be like her one day. And to please all the men who ogle at me, I have even applied for cosmetic surgery to enhance/reduce fat from certain body parts. Afterall, we are nothing but those plastic dolls whose sole purpose in life is to ‘entertain’ people.
Since I have replied (courteously) to all the points mentioned, let this discussion be OverAndOut.
Hi Puja,
made interesting reading, and i just could not stop helping myself with a big smile in going through it and the comments..
The sanskrit sholka is more relevant in the male dominated society of the older times when women were supposed to stay at home(and act like Goddess, Rambha, Mother Earth etc) and men were the sole breadwinner…In the today world where such a gap is reducing, it doesn’t make much sense..
However, every man has a fundamental right to look(or rather wish!!) for an ideal women as described by all the adjectives…and its indeed true that most of men would remain bachelors if they looked for ‘an ideal wife’..
But, you can’t clap with a single hand…
If you are on Orkut and look in the personals tabs, most females will ask for Ideal Match as “Tall, Handsome, Caring, Intelligent(read rich), Loyal, Committed, blah, blah ” and a myriad of other godly qualities…
It can be easily seen that now a days, girls scrutinize and reject while choosing their life partner(which should be the case), so just male bashing by a bunch of ladies only on a basis of an old sholka (which is too old to be true and looks too erudite to be quoted) isn’t right….probably that’s what a girl’s talk is…
As the definition of ideal goes, it is “Conforming to an ultimate standard of perfection or excellence”, which is beyond everybody’s(well, almost) reach…
And some of the comments looked really rude and uncalled for…
Well, I would just say one thing – It is not bad to make a wishlist. Infact, it helps in choosing the right partner for yourself. But you have to be realistic in your expectations. And don’t make it ‘All’ or ‘None’ kind of scenario. Relationships fail because a (or both) partner is not willing to accept a shortcoming. He/she is not willing to compromise on the lack of a certain trait that was initially on his/her wishlist. That is bad. Don’t put the onus on a single person for the entire lifespan of the relationship.
Why only a man’s wishlist, you asked. Women make it too. But they compromise/adjust much more easily. They don’t leave their partner just because he is lacking somewhere. And their wishlist is not engraved in the society like these sanskrit lines. Also, it is not even honored in most cases. Do you know how many women are asked if they are ok to marry the person chosen by their parents? Even in the urban educated section, women are not given this ‘privilege’ (which is actually a right). And in cases they do have this opportunity of accepting/rejecting a proposal, most women are bound to be unsure or make wrong choices. Reason? Their mental conditioning.
The obvious reason “their wishlist is not engraved in the society like these sanskrit lines” is because the sanskrit lines were written by some guy 2000 years back…and is not valid now…
Regarding “And don’t make it ‘All’ or ‘None’ kind of scenario”……it is understandable that most people (irrespective of gender) would remain unmarried if they make “All or nothing” kind of scenario..
“But they compromise/adjust much more easily. They don’t leave their partner just because he is lacking somewhere.”…..I am not so sure about it….Infact, call it my lack of social awareness in such cases(being a bachelor), i am not aware of any marriages falling because only men are obstinate and expect everything….
Regarding the choices that are given to women, it is understandable it is less than men, but it is increasing(atleast in the urban educated section) and you cant expect miracles overnight…it will take some time…for everything….women being given the choices and ‘their mental conditioning of getting it right’ and for men to start accepting it(for those who already dont do so)….and nobody can help it….
So, please be patient(Samay se pehle, Bhagya se zyada, kabhi nahin milta)…and dont portay men as the villians(just because most of your blog readers are women..probably)
“The obvious reason “their wishlist is not engraved in the society like these sanskrit lines” is because the sanskrit lines were written by some guy 2000 years back…and is not valid now…”
). And those who come here have a mind of their own. They do not take my words for their face value. If they write some comment, it comes from their own thoughts and experiences. And since most of them are women themselves, they can relate to these women-related posts. Most of us do go through similar experiences in life – whether it is marital problems, abuse, pregnancy, kids or career. Also, men are not villains for us. We do love our father, brother, husband, male-child ….. Its just a certain section of men which bothers me (and women in general).
- but it was quoted by this fellow from the present times (and he was around 25yrs old). I have seen people wanting and expecting everything in their partner, leading to lot of unhappiness around.
“….i am not aware of any marriages falling because only men are obstinate and expect everything….”
-Right, its not only men who are the reasons for the failed marriages. But considering the majority, its only fair to say that most of the men do go overboard in specifying their choices.
“So, please be patient(Samay se pehle, Bhagya se zyada, kabhi nahin milta)…and dont portay men as the villians(just because most of your blog readers are women..probably)”
- I didn’t and don’t write anything just to please those who read this blog. On the contrary, I have managed to offend quite a large number of people (read the archives
Hope i have been able to convince you about my intention to understand this ‘mean’ trait in men, and not to criminalize all of them!!!
The problem is when two or more intellectuals discuss and none of them believes(somewhat obstinately) that the other is correct(or perhaps more correct)….its better to stop the discussion…
Probably, you should ignore the sholak(it adds too much spice) and just re read the post once or twice… its tone was definitely demeaning to men….to every one of them, in fact…
Problems do come to everyone, but we should keep an optimistic view of life instead of mulling on the past..
Cheers..
Hey did you get your first troll!
Woohoo you are now initiated into the blogging world
Thanks for the translation.
rofl at your Rakhi Sawant answers..
sraikh,
You are a pseudo-modernist, and you know that! You want everyone to speak their mind as long as they speak your mind. Please stay in your city and spare the mountains. The last time I saw a troll population map, it showed all of them had moved to urban areas, secretly watch Rakhi Sawant when their wives/mothers are not around, and then write politically correct comments on blogs such as these.
pujathakur,
((deleted))
Rahul,
You are the MAN.
I would suggest you leave your rude words out of MY blog or else I would have to delete them(of course with a heavy heart!!)
There is nothing wrong in discussing things as long as you maintain the basic courtesy.
((deleted))
phew! quite a ruckus here!
i would just say ancient bullshit and just leave it at that!
cheers!
And hope this ancient ‘bullshit’ gets out of people’s mind as soon as possible!
“I would suggest you leave your rude words out of MY blog or else I would have to delete them”
Show me one sentence (I wrote) that is rude. I called sraikh a far better name than what he called me. Or maybe you just do not like people who disagree passionately?
Go on, delete my comments. It will only vindicate what I have always believed – 99.9% moderates can’t handle a direct confrontation. They flare up and become violent.
I think the perfect woman is one with the mind of Mayawati and body of Rakhi Sawant. Or even the other way round!
“Rakhi Sawant for Prime Ministership”. I am sick of seeing that old spineless mumbling slave of a PM we have. Ms. Sawant might work her charms and sleep with President Obama. Diplomatic coup of the century! Pakistan cannot ask for equal treatment because they ticked off Ms. Bhutto ….
Can’t help but say that may your wish for the perfect woman in life come true..
Now run off from this place…..
Oops…i guess this post turns out to be the most popular one
Also, I guess let’s not fight and be judgmental about anything….this space is about sharing our opinions, thoughts etc…good, bad or ugly!
That’s about blogging..if I am not wrong..?
Now, if only people could understand this little bit!!
(Mountain Man, are you listening??)
Ohhh.. I got Mountain Man all angry, just by telling him to go back to the mountains…
Interesting…
Dear Puja,
Though i don’t know you your blog really makes me comment. Though this shloka is ancient (cited by u many times) i still feel that a large part of it is very relevant to the women of today. I this what has hurt your sentiments most whould have been the “Karuneshu dasi,” bit.Well in todays day and age where all of us have become preachers of what the other sex should be like we are forgetting to look within. It is important to understand that our culture actually feels “women can achieve perfection” (is that really so bad). I don’t see a similar shloka on men (pardon my ignorance) but to me its seems like they got the raw deal. The shloka to me is beautiful and almost personifies women as goddesses. are we not great advisers (Mantri), are we not a beautiful sex (Lakshmi), we bring life to earth will you not love your husband as a kid when he needs your care the most (Mata), is seducing your man such a crime..if he can why not us (Rambha)..and in the end Dasi.. don’t tell me you have never treated your man like a labour (they open doors for you, they carry your bags when you shop, they take care of you when you are ill) well then why the double standards. Dasi is not derogatory it just means doing what has been given to you with loyalty. If you truly try to understand the meaning of the shloka rather than just being narrow minded, you will realize it is actually a praise of your character as a woman than a “male chauvinist comment”..
Regards,
Aradhana