How does it feel to move towards the inevitable – step by step, inch by inch? Do you do it with heaviness in your heart? Or do you just let yourself go, enjoying every moment that you are left with?
She gave herself a long look in the mirror, something she hadn’t done for ages.. What was it that made her so disinterested in how she looked or was presented as? It wasn’t too long ago, was it, when all she and her friends could think of was saving some pocket money to buy ‘junk’ jewelery or the latest shade of nail-paint. She reminded herself of the girl that she was – all fun, gossip-loving, innocent secrets confided in friends, buying small gifts for the family, starting and ending the day with songs sung to herself…
Where had she lost herself?
When and why did she stubbornly decide to let go of her life? When did she start to ignore the small signals her body gave to her? Why did she convince herself that the ever-present fatigue was because of heat or extra guests at home or the minor cold?
When and why did she stop taking messages from her own body?
She closed her eyes and could clearly see her mother’s face, tearful and full of sorrow. She remembered what her mother had once tried to tell her in many direct and indirect words.
“One is responsible for what bad or good happens to him/her. You cannot always blame the other person. And so, if you are not feeling well and keep waiting for him to ask you what’s wrong, you are not doing him or yourself any favor. Get up now and keep a watch on what you eat. Get medical help when you are not well. And if it is freedom that you want then go and grab it. Don’t wait for anyone to request you to breathe in the fresh air. Don’t just sit here doing nothing. Life is much more than that. Give it a chance”
How right her mother was. But time had flown out of her hands. And as she waited for the final hour, one thing that kept playing on her mind was the smile of her child for which she wished to hang on for a little longer.
(Every fiction has a fragment of truth in it…..)