During one of the training sessions at office, we were asked to draw something which defines us. Without thinking twice, I drew something symbolic of a womb. That is what I believe defines me. Motherhood has been a life altering experience, and changed me a great deal.I have cherished each and every moment – however tough or easy it had been. And I feel proud of that. Of course a major part of the credit has to go to the little angel who made everything look so manageable!
But there is another side of motherhood which I try not to think much about.
Motherhood brings with itself a vague sense of loneliness. It is strange but you crave for it as much as you detest it! The feeling of being cut off from rest of the world is strangely comforting. But at times it makes me feel choked with unexplainable emotions. I want to go out, like I used to, roam about without care or direction. I want to day-dream, make my own plans, act on my wild ideas!
I still do it all.
Most of the times, I involve Diya in my very own private world (and that changes the very essence of it!) . When I don’t, the guilt factor is too strong to let me enjoy my own time. In all these years, I have spent just one night away from her – to take care of a critical task at office. She would be 6 soon, and despite repeated suggestions from friends/family I haven’t been able to do it for any leisure activity. And I don’t intend to do so any time soon!
Perhaps it is my own mindset, as my friends point out. But for me this is just another side of motherhood and I intend to enjoy it as much as its other aspects, till I move on to the next stage (whatever that might be!)