A month has already passed and we are in middle of Feb already! I look at all the things I had planned and hoped to get completed in this year. With this pace, they seem impossible to finish. I am hardly able to keep up with the changes happening in my life. It scares me. And yet there is something very exciting about it. I keep looking into myself, picking up things that I like, and things that I don’t. I accept them all and yet I throw them all out. There is peace in contentment with oneself.
Suddenly, all the time in the world looks so less. The to-do list is getting longer. The projects, studies, exams, conversations, dreams, desires….. Life is getting more exciting than ever. I feel happy and in a long long time, I feel secure. How do I collect all these moments? How do I ensure they don’t slip out and get lost? If not the moments, then their memories… I feel the desperate need to hold on to them. And I dream of making the new ones.
There are a few things that need urgent attention. They bother me like sand in my eyes. But when I close them, I realize that I am happy. Blissfully. In a long, long time. And so I carry on living with my contradictory self.. cherishing every bit of breath that I am given.
Holding hands together,
we soar high.
Eager to share
the dreams in our eyes.
Steps are slower than our words.
There are just so many of them to be said.
Words struggle hard to keep up with thoughts.
The ones formed in mind and cherished by heart.
The pride in our eyes say – “Look at us, don’t we look good together?”
The strength and courage of love lets us go on forever.
I lay out old newspaper sheets on the kitchen slab as I usually do to avoid spreading the mess while cooking that I am so known for (mess, not cooking). An article catches my eye. I might have missed it during the initial reading. It is a mother’s account, the one which we all can so relate to. And I look at you. From the under weight infant to someone who very soon would be of same height as me (or more!), you have come a long way. And of all the years that we have been together, 2018 was a real special one for me. From our vacations together to experiencing the delight in your eyes when you told me that you have found your calling, it has all been so memorable. We also suffered the pre-teen pangs albeit a little sooner than expected! Oh and your obsession with K-pop kills me, and not in a good way (just wanted to put that in writing).
But this post is not about a mother’s pride or to relive the beautiful moments. It is more to acknowledge and be thankful for the strength motherhood gave me. I have no hesitation to admit that the courage to act on my dreams and convictions came very late and only from my desire to be a good mother. I realize that it can happen only if I am good and happy as a person. An empty jug cannot pour out water for the thirsty. It is exactly this thought that got me going me on the tough and rather lonely path.
And so here I am, counting my blessings, and looking forward to more such years of togetherness, love and courage 🙂
A very happy New Year to all those who are trying to be better every single day !
When they ‘advise’ you to move on and forget certain things which happened in past, do they realize that it is almost impossible to suppress just one part and remember the rest of it?
And that when you move ahead in life, there are things, places, people you leave behind. You think of them fondly and smile at the pleasantness and unpleasantness of the moments you shared with them. You remember everything. The joys and bitterness may be long gone, but the remembrances stay.
watching raindrops while having a hot cup of masala chai 😊
over a piece of cake and bucket full of French fries! Irony is smiling in the background 😊