And also because I didn’t understand what the whole hullabaloo was about. To me, it felt like a propaganda to boost the “Rajput” image instead of tarnishing it. Although people talking about themselves in a third person voice and bringing in the whole “Rajputana” tradition in every sentence could be considered as an assault to its reputation! Oh and I didn’t quite get the problem with showing “Jauhar” on screen. Not that I would condone it or any other form of self harm, but I have strong feelings about the way women have progressed in their ways and means to safeguard themselves. Jauhar was a reality of those times. It was how women saved themselves, it was also a sign of protest against the intruders trying to own them as war trophies. We have to accept that it was a part of our past, glorious or not.
The universe and its elements has a unique way of presenting itself to people. The shade of red which symbolizes marital harmony could also represent the fierce anger within. ‘Then what is the truth?’, she asked herself. Was it the cool and indifferent expression she had to maintain as she dealt with people at work or did it come through her aggression at the gym. Was she defined by the perceptions which people had? They sometimes accused her of having isolated herself. ‘Isolated from whom?’, she asked them. Was it from their beliefs, which was obviously one sided, based only on what they wanted to believe instead of considering her to be what she was. Or was it from their own ignorance towards what people could be like beyond their abilities of understanding.
The funny thing about ‘truth’ is that it can be ‘created’,’manipulated’,’presented’ and ‘justified’ in the most believable ways. You repeat something enough number of times and the world starts treating it as the ultimate ‘truth’! She had almost become wary of its existence. The idea of truth had somehow become more appalling than virtuous to her.
That night, as she penned down her thoughts in journal, she gave herself a new name – Mithya.
I am a timid person, one who has never been fond of adventure sports of any kind. In Bangalore, the most thrilling adventure sport is what the ordinary folks call as ‘driving two wheelers’. Even being a pillion passenger is a tough game. I, for one, clutch on to my dear life whenever I am on one. Every small bump, every vehicle which passes too close by, everything about being on the road, it scares me. I understand that to a large extent this fear is baseless and should be overcome. I try. But I fail. Every single time. And now I have almost lost all the will to fight that fear. I am settling in the comfort of my own fears and insecurities because I think that it ensures me not dying on any random road in Bangalore.
2017 was an year of me trying best to get myself isolated. And I succeeded to a large extent, until I realized how foolish it was. To avoid getting dependent on friends and family, I hooked on to work. And when there was decrease in workload, it made me restless and eventually aware of the fact that I had then become dependent on work itself!
Speaking of work, I think I need to let myself sleep. For one full night atleast. Without any thought or care or excitement of what I had done during the day and what awaits me the next day. It may not be the most thrilling of the jobs that I have had but it certainly keeps me busy, or rather make me want to stay busy with work.
And then there are books. I read so little in last year. I am almost ashamed of myself when I think of the single digit count of the books on my shelf. The only good thing – I read whatever I had bought. I have, however, started this year with a book on subject which I have recently got interested in. So much so that it is my retirement plan – to learn more about Hindu Mythology.